you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
