I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
