Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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