You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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