There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
