would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
