it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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