The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
