On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
