i think i have herpe
just one?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize