Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
