i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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