i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
