guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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