i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
