what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
