So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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