that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
