do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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