i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
