bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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