Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize