She went from zero to smokin in five shots
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
