The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We left an ass print on the piano.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
