did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
