I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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