Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
