the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
