I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
