My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
