Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
