He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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