Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
