I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I forget how to act sober
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