If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
