Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
This toilet bowl is my home.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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