Kiss
Puke
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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