There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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