I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I will be naked everywhere
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
