my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
