They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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