Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
