Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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