would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
