glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He's on the porch naked. Help.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
