I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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