Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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