I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
