There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize