I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
