Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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