She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
