sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
