U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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