Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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