Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We talked him into tasing himself.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
