The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
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