I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
