I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
