you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
