I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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