When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
