you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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