Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
